Trucks = Gay

That's right. The bigger the truck, the gayer the owner. How do I know this? Simple logic. Trucks don't impress girls. Trucks impress other guys. Therefore, the fancier the truck, the more the owner wants to impress other guys, or more specifically, other bone-smugglers. So, are all truck owners screaming homos? No, in fact trucks serve practical purposes. Therefore if you require one for work as part of your means to earn a living, then it is okay to have one that serves the purpose and is not otherwise extravagant.

To summarize, the truck depicted may as well be owned by Elton John, because the actual owner is equally into man-meat. Sports cars are for guys with little weenies, everyone knows that. Therefore, if you ladies want to find a real man, check out whoever is behind the wheel of a little domestic rustbucket, you're looking at a practical guy with gigantic genitals. What could be better?

"Bud" - The Mark Of White Trash

We've all heard this, in fact you may be one of these people. People who call their stupid kid "bud." No, it's not the actual name Bud, it's the short form of buddy. Come here, bud. Put that down, bud. I'm a big fucking loser with no parenting skills, bud. Instead of laying down the law and taking charge, I'm going to be your friend and try to secure your agreement with all of the family decisions. That way I don't have to deal with upsetting your fragile little mind.

Admit you are a white trash douchebag who didn't want this stupid kid in the first place, and have no intention of attempting to raise the kid to be less of a loser than yourself. Who are you? Check the soccer mom pic farther down. That's you, pig. Why don't you walk off some of that big fat ass? Try running something other than your mouth. All these people do is spend all day whining about how their stupid life didn't turn out how they wanted, without actually working towards anything other than a welfare application. The only redemption they receive is watching episodes of Springer which is the only showcase of bigger losers than themselves. Learn how to speak, learn how to act, learn something useful other than how to increase the welfare check from your circle of other losers. This makes me so angry, go to hell.

How To Eliminate All Debts And Make The Government Profitable !!!

That's right! I have a revolutionary idea that can turn around any government's debt, no matter how deep. The answer is simple. Porno.

Yes, porno. How can the government get rich from porno? "How dare you suggest taxing my porno!", you might utter angrily. No, that's not it. I'm talking making and selling porno. "But thousands of companies already make and sell porn, how can the goverment make billions in an already saturated marketplace?" Simple. Welfare crack-whores.

Think about it. Many people on welfare are whores. Many governments require that welfare recipients "work" for some of their assistance. This is a natural extension. Making porn qualifies as work, and is something these sluts do all day for crack money anyway. Finding dudes will be no problem, they'll line up. And how will this be so profitable, who will buy this porno? Everyone. You will, admit it. Why? Because you might see a neighbor, ex-girlfriend, sometime acquaintance, and people love degradation. American Idol is all about humiliation and failure, that's why people watch. Well, what's more humiliating that being forced to screw on camera for welfare? Stoned and degraded, now that's quality entertainment. And it's educational, no kid will want to grow up to end up like this. Let's do it!

When Exactly Did The World Go To Hell?

When the hell did wanting to see a nice hairy bush become a fetish? Goddamn it, I just want to see a nice bush. I don't want to see stubble, razor burn and the little red zits hair removal processes leave behind. And I don't want to see some severely hair covered broad with braided armpit hair looking like Robin Williams. I just want to see natural hair with proper grooming on the rest of the body. That has completely disappeared from the scene, the norm is now shaved with the fetish being extreme hair coverage. What the hell is wrong with everyone? I was not consulted on the decision to move pussy hair out of mainstream porn. And with the volume of porn I have collected over the years, I have damn well earned a vote as have most of you. The women used to look real, like people you might see. Now they are bleached, tattooed, pierced, shaved and fake in every way. The most exciting porn features "real" looking women, not women that look like porn girls. Only in France does the average woman look like the above photo, so what are the rest of us to do? Damn it, answer me!

Canadians Stranded In Katrina Wake! Fuck 'Em!!!

That's right. I said it, and you heard me. All over every channel, every airwave, every conversation at work was Katrina. You saw this picture headed straight for your vacation spot. What did you do? Well, the tickets were non-refundable. You headed straight into the path of a category 5 hurricane, the strongest on record at one point because you didn't want to waste a few thousand dollars. Well, you just decided exactly how much your life is worth. I say screw these assholes. Take their passports and never let them back into Canada. Do we really want people that stupid up here breeding? If you are willing to walk into this for the sake of your stupid vacation, you should be dead. If the storm didn't kill you, then someone else should. People this stupid waste our precious oxygen and consume our precious internet bandwidth. They should be really easy to kill too, just set fire to a barn and they'll run into it if you tell them there's 5 bucks on the floor. If I hear one more snivelling asshole on the news talking about how they were trapped in their room at their 5 star resort for a whole day, we'll have no choice but to start the bloodshed. Let's make more room for people with common sense.

Why Are You So Fat? I Actually Know The Answer!

Diets - we know they don't work. Your body gets used to the current state. When you starve it, it waits you out - and when you go off the diet it returns to that state with reinforcements to insulate against the next time you starve it. We know this, so why do we keep doing it? Because fat is unhealthy and we know we need to lose weight. Diabetes, all shirts becoming belly shirts, getting your big fat ass stuck in doorways, people saying "awooooogah!" when you walk by, it is stressful and unpleasant to be a lard ass. It's a vicious cycle. But you can't help it, and blame yourself for being weak. Well, you are weak, but not because you lack the willpower to stay on a diet, but because you are not addressing the cause of your obesity. Here is the key - It is NOT overeating and storing your cottage cheese leaden ass exclusively on the couch. The problem is something else, and obesity is a symptom, just one of the results of an unrelated problem.


The diet industries won't tell you what you have to do to keep the weight off, because they need the repeat business. If everyone got slim, they would all be out of business. How, you say? By addressing the real issues. People are fat because they are lazy and overeat. They overeat because they have severe psychological problems that override their self-control. Think about it. The more obese someone is, the more severe their psychological problems. If you want to keep your weight off - you must become balanced, you must face your demons and become secure in yourself - and only then can you make a lasting change. If you are fat, it's because you hate yourself. It's not the outer weight that you hate, it's the person you are inside that you can't live with. Admit what your problems are, face them, and finally learn to like yourself. Then you will want to take care of yourself and be healthy, and you will, and it will be easy. It's all in your mind. So - get confident, stupid!


That's not to say that all thin people are well balanced. Quite the contrary, some of the most psychotic people I have had the misfortune to work with have indeed taken very good care of their apprearance. Many people's psychological problems don't manifest themselves as overeating. It ranges from simple attention whore to severe self mutilation. I'm talking outrageous clothes, to bleached hair, to tattoos and piercings. These people also have many demons that need to be faced. Only then can you be secure in yourself, and not crave the attention or approval of others.


Here's the bottom line: if you are fat, or care what other people think like this little piggy, you need help. So go get it, loser. Don't bother asking me, I will mock you like everyone else does.

The History Of The French

A lot of people are confused by the French. Why is their language essentially badly misspelled English, why do they smell so bad, what is the origin of the saying "filthy as a Frenchman", why are they such cowards etc. These are the innocent questions of a child. Here, for the first time ever, are the answers no one wants to talk about.

A long time ago, in merry old England no less, there were different classes of citizens as there are today. Within the upper class with the old money were the literate with acceptable personal hygiene (for the time), these were the politicians, successful businessmen etc. On the other side were the illiterate rich ignorant morons as exist today such as Paris Hilton. Of course, to be fair, not all of the illiterate women were whores. So you can see how the rich and influential were divided into two groups, each disrespectful of the other.

The "smart" class would always make fun of the "dumb" class, throwing monkey snot at them and mocking them using words they couldn't understand, handing them soap knowing full well they didn't know what to do with it etc. Eventually, the idiots realized that they didn't have to stand for the maltreatment, and picked up and left. They crossed over to the mainland and settled in a new and uninhabited area. Their new utopia was great. Everyone was filthy and disgusting, with not a single word of criticism uttered by anyone. Just like pigs in filth, as they say. Just take a look at this authentic photo of a French woman peeing in the street:


Eventually, their society started having some growing pains, and realizing they would need some sort of governing body, they organized themselves. It quickly became apparent that the only way they could establish laws and apply them fairly was to document them. Unfortunately, no one could read or write. Grudgingly, they admitted that running a new country was harder than they thought, and they had to concede that some people would have to be literate. The smarter of the idiots were punished by documenting rudimentary language for the purposes of recording laws. However, because they did not really know how to read or write English, they had to go from poor memory. They created their language known today as French - with many words written and pronounced similarly to English but misspelled, and others completely different because they simply couldn't remember.

"Who the hell is this crazy bastard?", you may be asking yourself. You can't make wild allegations like that on the internet without providing examples, so here you go:

English/French
garage/garage
blue/bleu
bicycle/bicyclette
yes/oui
no/non

And so on. And it doesn't stop there. In some cases they couldn't remember the old words and didn't bother making up new ones. Let's look at numbers for an example. They got up to 16 okay, but could not remember the next number. They knew it was 7 more than 10, so they just called it dix-neuf (ten-seven.) Pretty clever. How about 90? You won't believe this - here are the numbers translated from 80-99: Four-twenty, four-twenty-one, four-twenty-two...four-twenty-nine...yes, you guessed it, four-twenty-ten! Four-twenty-eleven...four-twenty-ten-seven, four-twenty-ten-eight, four-twenty-ten-nine. Still with me? 99 is translated as four-twenty-ten-nine.

Can you believe how stupid that is? How the hell could you calculate anything with this retarded numbering system? Because it is so difficult to do simple math, science has understandably lagged behind the rest of the world. As a result, they have not yet discovered germs and bacteria, and don't realize that hairy filthiness is unhealthy. This has the advantage of shortening their life spans, which is why no one has told them yet. Here is a modern day French woman in her natural state:


Gross. But why are they so darn rude? They are known for holding their noses up in the air, but you can clearly see that is merely to avoid as much of their own stink as possible. Rudeness comes from the simple idea of reverse psychology. They hope that if they so rude and smelly, no one will visit or be interested in their country. If you had been invaded and occupied as much as they have, you would be concerned too. They know that eventually the occupants will be unable to stand the smell and leave on their own, but depending on the standards of the invading forces, that could take a long time.

And there you have it. That's why the modern day Frenchman/woman is rude, smelly, hairy, ignorant and speaks a language that looks and sounds like retarded English.

Do us and them a favor, just stay the hell out of there!

Urban Legends Exposed - Hot Soccer Moms

Urban Legends Exposed - The so called "Hot Soccer Mom."

There is a lot of buzz around the neighborhood and on the internet about so called "hot soccer moms", or hockey moms for that matter. Based on the hundreds of hours of research I have selflessly conducted, I have no choice but to conclude that in fact, the hot soccer mom is nothing more than an urban legend. According to the internet, we would be led to believe that soccer moms are MILFs and:
a) hot
b) horny
c) willing to do anything in the back of a minivan for a few bucks in front of a camcorder
d) completely shaved
e) have multiple tattoos and piercings
f) always insist on anal
g) always insist you shoot on their face (they LOVE it).

You may be shocked to learn that these "facts" are UNTRUE! I myself could not believe it - after all, we know that all material printed on the internet undergoes painstaking scrutiny to ensure clarity and accuracy, and all facts are checked and double checked to ensure the highest possible level of integrity. Integrity on the internet is protected like the sacred chalice of Ohlmeek - the holy bearded clam of the Aztecs. And yet, nevertheless, I have no choice but to conclude that the women in these "real" videos are in fact "actresses" and are hired to "act" in these films. Sorry for the quotes, but let's not pretend that they in any way do anything legitimate or worthy of respect.

I realize that I am taking a great personal risk by speaking out against the protected truths of the internet, but until I get silenced I must tell you what I have discovered. This, below, is the actual typical soccer mom:

I took this picture myself. Where? At a soccer game. The camera was concealed in my shorts and covered in crotch sweat. After seeing so many hot soccer moms on the internet, I of course signed my kids right up in anticipation of enjoying the eye candy every week and later touching myself. But I encountered nothing but crushing disappointment. In fact, I have been through three seasons of soccer in two separate regions, plus baseball, and have found that the average soccer mom is a fat, sloppy, track-panted slob who is sure that her bratty snot-nosed kid is better at everything than everyone else's bratty snot-nosed kid. TRUE! In fact the hottest women I have seen at kids sports is "Overtan lady" who was hot 15 years ago, but now just has cankles and a mustache, and "Bucktooth" who at least has good hair but could eat an apple through a chain link fence. That's it.

And it doesn't stop there. Let's talk hockey moms. Hockey moms are slightly better kempt than soccer moms. Soccer is played in the summer evenings, but hockey requires getting up and delivering the little punks to the arena early in the morning on weekends. Also, because arenas are cold, you might expect to see a little nippleage but you would be disappointed - everyone is well covered up which leaves a lot to the imagination. Soccer moms can let their fat rolls hang low over their pants, but hockey moms keep covered up. With much of the sloppiness concealed, how can you tell who takes care of themselves? Scanning the crowd all I see is row after row of bed-head. Not one single one of them has brushed their hair, never mind bathed or applied make-up - it's not like being at work where their looks can count for something and be used to their advantage. Nothing but disappointment as far as the eye can see. Now you know the terrible truth. Spread the word, but please be careful - when I am taken out, all who have accessed this web page will be hunted down as well - so cover your tracks!

Now you know the truth - fight the power!

Welcome To The Sausage Party

After much analysis and serious drinking, it seems to me that considering all of the tolerance and intolerance propaganda, if you add it all up there is after all only one type of man in the world. This article will answer the age old question - just who exactly is gay?

Everyone knows that there are gays, you see them downtown wearing chaps, in hair salons, spending way too much time lingering in public washrooms, etc. No one denies they exist in numbers.

Then, you have the heterosexuals - those who profess not to be gay, but can identify exactly what is and is not gay. There's a whole spectrum of these guys, from the barely still in the closet metrosexuals to the sandal wearing minivan driving suburban "Mr. Mom" to the redneck who still believes it's okay to feel threatened by change and beat people up who are different from they are. All of these guys, no matter where they are in the spectrum are sure that they are not gay, and can explain exactly what the differences are between themselves and gays, and show you exactly where the line is that they steer clear of.

But, have you ever heard people say that those who accuse others of being gay and know exactly what is gay are in fact gay themselves and trying to cover it up? It makes sense that if you are an expert on what is gay, that you must know something about it. Therefore, by that logic, there is only one type of person in the world - those who are gay. Some embrace it, some don't. But whether you're in the closet or not, just remember that the world is one big sausage party - and you're invited. Want a hot dog?

Thinking Of Fish

Ok, so I have nothing better to do. You're as big a loser for reading this. I'm just going to post the funniest pictures I can find and make stupid comments. Peer into my dementia if you dare.

Who doesn't enjoy the nice musky odor of beaver? Well, gays I suppose. Who doesn't think of this joke every time they smell raw fish? Admit it. You love it. You were fascinated by that saying you heard in the school yard:

"Smells like fish, tastes like chicken, makes it's own gravy."

You thought that sounded gross, and yet genuinely arousing. How could one thing have so many completely different characteristics? What a wonderful and joyous thing the old bearded clam is, without it there would be no one, the entire world would be like this blog - completely uninhabited by humans.

Barbie Pr0n!

Barbie pr0n, you know you want it! It came from here: http://e5150.blogspot.com/

You know you undressed them when you were a kid, made little orgies, furrowing your brow in a vain attempt to understand why Ken's crotch looked the same as Barbie's - and yet you always had that funny feeling, like when climbing the rope in gym class. You're a fucking pervert. There's a dirty little slideshow that this comes from, but you can't post anything other than pictures here unfortunately. So here it is without the music.


These girls get right down to business! They're a little shy, though. Let's try to get a better angle.









That's better. One is still wearing sunglasses, but they aren't turning away from the camera. I think this is getting hot! Let's go in for an even closer look.






This is really hot! Now the inhibitions are dropping like their skimpy outfits. I think they are really starting to cut loose, let's see what they'll do next!









Goodness, this is a side of the girls that I never knew about. I always knew they loved that horse, but not like this. Dare we scroll down further? Try and stop yourself you dirty bastard.







Ahhh, just relaxing there.








This one just can't make up her mind. Such innocent blue eyes for a horse banging skank.







I hope she washed that off first!








Now who's in the driver's seat! Completely unabashed now, they'll do anything to anyone!








Oh, yeah! Join the party, babe! Wait...what's that in her pants?








What the...?








I don't feel so good...Barbie never had one of those when I was a kid. Gotta go now, this didn't quite work out how I anticipated. You're on your own.

What do you want? I'm on a quest...

Seems like they've been out of style for a long time. I want a big hairy bush. I don't want to pretend a woman is a 14 year old girl. I don't want stubble scratching me. Women have hair. Period. Anything else is for pedophiles and bisexual homos.

Welcome To Turdburg

There is nothing here of any value. Your time here will be wasted. You have been warned. Piss off.